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MissAttitude

Freelance Writer, Blogger, Web Producer and Adjunct Professor

I'm a professional woman in my 30s who's spent the last 13 years working in TV news. I love shoes, shopping and blogging. I also have an advice column. In the name of full disclosure I have to admit I don’t have a background in psychology, unless you count that one college course freshman year ...

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Is she sure she's not me?

Miss Attitude

A loyal Miss Attitude reader, who also happens to be a friend from high school, wrote me the other day pointing out how much alike we are when it comes to dating.  And I couldn't agree more.  Same age, still single and both think we could write a book about what we've been through.  But here's the thing, she has a quandary, very much like one I continue to have.  But I'm going to put on my objective advice hat here and see what I can do.  

Here's a dilemma:
Met a seemingly nice guy (we'll call Cowboy) at a wedding a few weeks ago, we chatted and exchanged numbers (including our ages). He revealed he was 27 and almost shit himself when I told Cowboy I was 34 - thankfully I age gracefully and look young for my age. He text me the next day, saying "it was nice meeting and talking with you...", and every weekday since then, he texts me around the same time in the AM wishing me to "have a nice day". All of this is very sweet and while I do appreciate the positive attention, I'm wondering why won't he pull the trigger and ask me out for dinner/drinks? One possibility that comes to mind is that it is far safer to hide behind the screen of his cell phone, than actually man up, ask me out and have an actual face-to-face encounter with me. The other is that I'm 7 years older than him, and that intimidates the hell out of him. So against my better judgment, I threw it out there, letting him know, "I had a great time at the wedding and if my age didn't scare him away, call me if you'd like to grab dinner/drinks sometime" (very non-threatening). To which he responded, "I'd love to. I'll let ya know something in the next day or two." Fast forward to three days later - nothing but AM wishes from Cowboy. Now, I've learned a long time ago, not to wait around for boys, and believe me I'm not, however he's ringing up my cell phone bill with every, innocent "have a nice day". How do I tell him politely to either ask me out or stop wasting my time and ringing up my cell phone bill?

First of all, amen for aging gracefully.  I feel fortunate for that too.  I also applaud a 27-year-old.  Good for you!  But let's get to the point here.  Texting has become the ultimate form of non-commitment in dating world.  It's an easy way to show someone you're interested without the fear of verbal or face-to-face rejection.  However, I firmly believe if someone is interested in dating you, they'll figure out how to get past this passive-aggressive cat and mouse game and just take you out.  Having said that, I've been known to dabble in these hi jinks from time to time-- hell who am I kidding???-- I give texting a bad name!

However, in the end you will never get what you want if you don't stand up for yourself and ask for it.  So as I see it you have a few options options:

1.  You can use some of that gumption I know you have, and ask him out for dinner and or drinks with a specific day/time.  That way he's not left with the option of using the "I'll let ya know" response.  Either he's free or not.  And if he's not, and doesn't ask about another day/time, then you move on.
2.  You can tell him while you enjoy his "have a nice day" text messages, you do not have unlimited texting.  Besides you'd really prefer some real conversations, so he should give you a call.  Again you should be specific to a time, not just say sometime.  
3.  You simply stop responding.   Either he'll man up or slink away.

Now before you do any of the above steps, you have to be prepared for him to vanish.  That happens sometimes when an intelligent, independent and attractive woman intimidates a man.  And unfortunately in my experience, there's not much you can do to stop that.  But if you're not ready for that and still want the positive attention, which sometimes we single women do enjoy, you can continue the texting game with an "it is what it is" attitude.  But just so you know, it probably won't end until you put an end to one way or the other.

Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude

www.missattitude.us